Mr. President – A True Story

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Daughter (5 yr old): Teach me to answer the phone.

Carbon Based Spousal Unit (Wife): Sure, press L1 when the phone rings.

Me: Secretly dialing our phone number via my cell.

Daughter: The phone is ringing! The phone is ringing!

CBSU: Press L1 to answer and say Hello.

Daughter: Hello...

Me: Hello, this is the President of the United States, how are you doing?.

Daughter to CBSU: It’s the President (very excited)! And he knows my name!!!!

Me: Do you want to ride in my helicopter?

Daughter: (way too excited to speak at this point)

Son (4 yr old): (Also excited and asking for the phone from his sister)

Me: Do I hear you brother in the background? Let me speak to him.

Son: Me and my granny saw you on TV, we waved but you didn’t see us.

Me: Do you want to ride in my helicopter?

Son: I’m a good worker. When I grow up i’m going to be God’s helper. I live at 4**-**** (phone number).

Me: Do you want to ride in my helicopter?

Son: Yes.

Daughter: (Finally noticing me humped up on one end of the couch talking to myself) Daddy, what are you doing? It’ssssss youuuuuu! You tricked me! (now beating me half to death). I thought it was the President. Daddy it’s youuuuuu!

Son: (Also beating on me at this point)